Letting Go by a Twenty-Something Type A Planner Who Should Be Doing Her Homework Right Now

Disclaimer: This is not a topic I ever thought I would write about on here, but it has become very relevant as I get closer and closer to actual adulthood.

On Thursday, the speaker in my AgEd class, a local farmer, told us the most important decision we would ever make, would be who we married.  This got me thinking. (Dangerous, I know. You should all be worried.)

Now, before I even begin let me state that I am no expert on relationships.  I was 15 when I had my last official "boyfriend".  The only thing I've shared my bed with for longer than I would like to admit is my computer and I single-handedly screwed up the latest and greatest in a long line of almost-somethings by insisting we weren't dating.  I promise you, I do not know a thing about being in an actual, functional relationship.  I usually run in the other direction faster than a greased pig.

I can tell you what I think a good relationship looks like. I can also tell you what I think I want in the man that I'm supposed to spend the rest of my life with and I'm beginning to think that may be the problem. 

See, I am a planner. Like to the point where I will write out my week and color code by lecture what has to done each day. Very Type A stuff. For as long as I can remember my plan has been pretty clear cut. Go to college, meet the farm boy of my dreams, get my degree, ride off into the sunset on his green and yellow tractor, work my way up the ladder while popping out several boot and jean wearing babies and spending my free time with my farmer in our barn with our livestock. 

Well, I'm in my 3rd year of college, no closer to that plan than I was 3 years ago.  But that might be because every guy that came along got compared to my checklist and of course none of them matched up. It's nearly impossible. 

I've got to let go of this preconceived idea of what I think my future should be, because odds are, that's not the way it's going to work. Just like I may not get my dream job right out of college, I'm going to have to work at it a bit. 

The bottom line is I need to let life happen and take it for what is. Now, this definitely isn't settling for something I don't want, but more like accepting that I can't have it all, right at this very second without putting a little effort into it first. This is me realizing that my expectations need to be more realistic. 

Life would be so much easier if we could fast forward and know how every relationship ends before it begins, but how would we ever learn anything about what we want out of life. Besides, what's the point of reading a book when you already know the ending.